On my mind...

I have a lot of things running through my mind right now. Mostly how my life has been going. I'm home most of the day doing school work or house work. I go to classes and I take care of my son. I try to have a social life but it's hard to have fun when you're always thinking about the things you need to do and haven't got done yet. I'm emotionally scarred by everything that has happened to me in my life just to have things spin in circles. I'm not even sure if Im making sense anymore. I'm tired and Im stressed. Me being stressed isn't a good idea.

Sometimes what i want to do is be able to to talk to my friends and watch my shows and get all my work done, both house and school, and not have to worry about how my son will react when I cant watch TV with him bc Im working on a research project or trying to finish my homework. Sometimes I wish that while I'm driving around town doing things my house work can do itself. Sometimes I wish that while I'm trying to do a test or quiz I can also watch Biggest Loser. I guess it's just a case of needing more time in the day to get everything done.

These last few weeks have been really hard. I have so much to do and no time to get it all done. Majority of the time I'm so tired I can't even keep my eyes open long enough to look at my textbook and get a quiz done. I'm so tired that I nap during the day just to catch up on sleep I've missed during the week. I dont even know how Ive managed to get up and feed myself bc my mind s on other things besides food.

I believe it wasn't for the fact that Im a mom and taking care of a 4 your old I doubt I would have the strength to get up and do the things I need to do. Jeremiah is my life, he motivates me to keep going. I'm thankful for Shannon bc she lets me complain and doesn't say anything about it. I'm grateful to Dean because he gives me the chance to escape and relax when he knows I really need it.

I dont know if anything I've said makes sense or if you understand where I'm coming from but I needed to say things. I had way too much on my mind that needed to come out.

Manic Mondays

Ok I was looking at busy Bee Lauren's blogspot and I remembered how she did Pocket Edward. Well I was really bored and I thought about taking pictures at random and making up captions. Then I fingured out it would be better to do this as a series. So I developed Calmed Craziness (I like oxymorons) and it will be posted on Mondays...thus the Manic Mondays.



Today I will just indroduce the main charactors.

Meet Zoey. Zoey is a prime beauty and likes fashion and doing things with her friends.

This Katrina. Katrina is a smart girl that loves to help cause mischive.

Annie is the type that beleives you should worship the ground she walks on.

Clarie wonders why bad things keep happening to good people. She stays out of trouble and stands up for good.

Sorry, even in Barbie world all girls fight over chocolate.

Taylor Swift

Okay so Im going for three posts but I have to give a tribute to Taylor Swift bc well I just love her! Ok I these are some of my favorite songs from her and if you noticed Love Story is missing bc someone over played it and ruined the song for me.

Our song

Fifteen

White Horse

Picture to Burn

Kanjis

As long as I have known I've been fascinated with the Japanese culture and lately I'm learning what their kanjis; symbols, mean. I learned most of these on my own but they are really beautiful.

Kanji #1

Sorrow

Kanji #2

Peace

Kanji #3
Love

Kanji #4

Hate

Kanji #5

Happiness

Not sure if you care but I like these particular symbols. Just had to share them.

Blast from the past.

OK I was helping my Dad clean out the back shed today and I stumbled across a few old pictures. Most of them was of my family when we first moves here but I found a few of me and some friends in high school. I know Shannon(Crazddreamer) is going to kill me. That's what happens when I have a crap load of blackmail pix. So I will start the humiliation.

Guess who this is. It's me White PuertoRican. I was 16 or 17 in this pic. This is inside my science class.

I'm gonna die. This is Crazddreamer at 15. She was so adorable.

This is Leigh. She doesn't know I have this pic and it was in one of our health classes and she is holding our faux baby.

From the left: Lori, Shannon and myself. This was taken in my room many years ago.

There's me again. This was taken with a friend at the Homecoming dance when I was 17. I really loved that dress.

Finally but not least....BETH!!!That would Beth and me doing the Hardy Boyz trand mark gunz in the mall.

One Year Later...

Okay so it has been one year later since President Obama has taken over office. In the last year a few things have happened but unfortunately I can't think of much other than the stimulus packets, Cash for Clunkers and he's health care reform. Wait! I forgot about how when he came to Arcadia for the FP&L Solar Power Plant. Now I was really happy when we got a black man as president. This world needed a kick in the face about how much we've changed and still needs to change.

These are some photos I want to mess with.

1)

Now here is President Obama before he was inaugurated. He was happy, he was carefree and he was naive. Before you get pissed; see after photo.

2)
Now here he is after he became president. He's not smiling anymore and he looks like he needs more sleep. Wait....what's this? IT'S GRAY HAIR!!! That's right he's so stressed out taking care of us and all the BS on how to take care of us and how to make this world a better place has gotten to him. Stress causes gray hair, just look at President Obama.

$Aidin$

My last 72 hours

Okay for the last three days have been total hell for me. Saturday morning started off wonderful. I saw my other non-blood related sister and then I get home and noticed Jeremiah is running a fever. I know, wonderful, right? Well I gave him meds and he was doing better. That was until about 9 that night when he throw up all over my bed. YUCK! And the worst part of that was tha he was already alseep. Well will I was cleaning that mess up, he ended up vomiting all over the couch. I said that's enough to the ER we go. Got there and I was told it was going to be a 3-4 hour wait before we were even seen. See ya! I walked out, gave Jeremiah more meds and passed out.

Now that was Saturday. Sunday I woke up sweating because I was breaking a fever I didn't know I had. My son is so into sharing he gave me his damn cold. So all day he and I sat on the couch doing nothing but drinking tynonal and sleeping. Finally around 3pm my temp went up to 103.2. I had enough and got dress and went to the ER, with Jeremiah. I almost walked out again but I knew this time I had to stay and get seen. My fever was so high they had to give me motrin while I was sitting in the waiting room. 5 HOURS IN THE ER just for them to tell me we had strep throat. Hell by the time the nurse came back to take our cultures and my fever spiked back up to 102.7. I was told I was baking myself because I was so cold I was covered up. They give us antibiotics and sent us home.

Monday, I tried to sleep as much as possible and get as much rest as possible. NOT HAPPENING! Jeremiah was feeling better so he wanted to play and do whatever he could to drive me nuts. I was finally able to eat and it hurt so much. I didn't run a fever all day until about 8pm and it was a mild one.

So far today Im doing good. I'm not running a fever but Im still suffering with a sore thoat and not wanting to eat. I'm telling you I hate being sick but it does help me lose weight.

Which is better?

So I was standing over the stove and I was thinking about doing a post the wasn't as heartfelt as the others I've done. I wanted to do something kinda dumb so I thought about doing a Which is better post. Now keep in mind these are my opinions and the opinions of Craddreamer and BigDaddyD. I will just voice what I think and if you don't agree let me know.

FIRST OFF:

Which is better compared to Crunchy and Puff Cheetos?

Now my favorite is the puffs. I think it's better of the teeth because it's not so hard but the downside of it the mess it makes.
Now Crazddreamer loves these although now she can't really eat them anymore. I never did like them but my son seems to like them better the puffs too. Traitor!


Which is better? Sodas

Originally I did not have this down as an option but Craddreamer chose it anyways. This would be her favorite. i like it too but only when my stomach hurts and mixed with drinks.

Now this is the one I love the most. Pepsi is like coffee to me. I can drink it but not all day. Problem I developed was too much dark sodas make me sick.


BigDaddyD has his crack with Mt Dew. I swear if you ask him he will tell you that's crack to him. He can drink it all day long like water. Unfortunatly, I have drank it like water too and now it is water to me. I can drink a whole can and still be thristy.


To give you a little inside on Craddreamer. When I first meet her her life was all Dr Pepper and crunchy cheetos. But much like I did, she too had problems drinking dark sodas. We still drink it but not as much as we did back in high school.


Which is better? Candy Bars

I love 3 musketeers but after of years of eating too much junk and way too much chocolate I can't stand this stuff anymore. I mean come on it's three different types of chocolate! Hence the name. My mom can eat this with no problems.

Not sure about you or how it will work anymore but this is mine and Crazddreamers favorite. That and Mr Goodbar but I didn't want to do that one. It's just something about peanuts and chocolate together.

Hope you liked this post. I kinda had fun doing it myself. Have fun!

How does everything keep going?

Okay so last time I said a few things about the people that make me happy. I was thinking today as I watched TV that maybe I should take a moment and tell people who these people are and just how they make me happy. I'm gonna try to keep it to the basics and not get all mushy and crazy but unfortunately sometimes it's the only way I can describe how that person makes me feel.

1)My son, Jeremiah. Now I will be like any mother in the world and tell you just how much my son means to me. I was 23 when I had him and he is now 4 years old going on 5 this June. My life stopped being about me and started being about him the second he was born. My son was born with a cleft lip and I have never known what it was and that it was fixable. Scary shit when you're a mom. Now he did get it fixed and you can't tell but it's still something to make you worry. Now he makes me mad like any child would but no matter how mad I get or how pissed off he makes me, he's still my son and I love him more than anyone could guess. My life would be nothing without him and I could not see my life without him either. He is my everything.

2) Now this brings me next to Shannon. I make jokes saying Shannon is my other half and in a way she is. Shannon is my other half as far as a sister and best friend. We have known each other for 10 years and have had out moments of not talking but we know that when push comes to shove we will be there for each other. I will not leave her side as I know she won't leave mine. I might offend some people saying this but it's just a figure of speech: if I were a lesbian Shannon would be my better half. I don't know nor do I care if you get it. She is also my world. I love her like anyone would love a sister. We maybe not be blood related but we have been through too much to not call each other as such.

3) Now I will finish off with Dean. My younger man and the other half of my heart, if not soul. I have dated guys where after a few month I can't stand them but with Dean I can not see him for days and I'm OK with it. I'm OK with only seeing him for say 20 minutes because no matter what I'm with him and it makes me happy. I love being with him even if we don't do anything. I just love being in the same room as him. He has made so happy in the last few months that I didn't think anyone could. I no longer see myself as hopeless or ugly or fat. I see this beautiful women he makes me feel. I can be myself around him and he doesn't try to change me. He's always telling me he fell in love me the way I am and I don't need to change anything about myself for him. I know..awe! I found myself smiling more with him and actually enjoying dressing up and being a girl around him. Mostly because he makes me feel good.

So that is the three people in the world that make me so damn happy that I can't help myself. I'm even smiling now. I can honestly say I love each one of these people and don't know how my heart will deal with it if something ever goes wrong.

$Aidin$

Love

I guess that is a good place as any to start this blog. What really is love? For many years I thought I was not able to be loved. Be it from my father calling me names or making me feel as if Im never good enough. My mother always thinking the worst in me because of somethings I did when i was young and stupid. Boyfriends again calling me names and only wanting me for my body and not my heart. I guess for years I always assumed love was not something I was meant to have in my life.

That did, however, change. I had my son which means more to me than a mother could only understand or even explain. I have my best friend of over 10 years. She and I have had our moments but that's normal in any relationship but I know that if I need someone she will always be there for me as I will be for her. I'm also dating a wonderful man that Im glad I gave a second chance. He makes me feel so alive and makes everything around me much more spacial.

Now for years I hated myself because of whatever everyone told me. I hated my looks, my style, my life in every way. I always tried to make everyone happy until one day I realized something that I wished I had known sooner. You can't make everyone happy. Think about if you make one person happy someone else is upset. I learned that you can only be yourself and the hell with everyone else. I'm not put on this Earth to please everyone, only myself. And in the end that's all that matters.


Now that kanji actually does mean love. I loved it since I figured out that it really did mean Love and not something else thanks to Naruto. (Manga/anime) I guess it's because life is very much like the kanji. It has lots of curves but in the end it makes something beautiful. Life hands you a lot of curves and it's up to you to find the love in it yourself. That whole: you have to love yourself before someone loves you: thing can be true but also you need to understand that there can never be too much love and no matter what it only matters what you want and what you believe.

The Begining

Woohoo!! This is my first blog of MY OWN BLOG!! As most have known I write in Twilight Hijinks with crazddreamer...well actually its her blog but I add my own BS once in a while.

Now just so I get this out of the way I will write about anything I want. Im gonna try not to use names alot but if i have too I will. I will cuse if I want too especially if Im angry or whatever Im writing about has something in it that just needs that sentence enhancer. Also most importantly, I cannot spell well and I tend to miss words once in a while. It's just how I am.

So I will get started and tell you a little about me. Im a 'single' mom of one, a four year old son. I say single because Im not married but I am seeing someone. Im a full time student working on my AS degree in Computer Information Analysis. Im 28 and have never been married. I deal with alot of crap and I learned to either cut people out of my life or just shut them out. I have too much to do and too much in my life to deal with drama that isn't mine.

My best friend is everything to me. Shannon, Dean and Jeremiah are everything that I need in my life becuase they are what makes me happy at almost all times. Well I guess that's about everything since I dont really have much to say today. Maybe tomorrow or sometime this week.