A list of many things

So I'm sitting in bed looking at me kid and thinking why the hell am I not asleep at 10PM and after taking an Ambien? Answer: Too much on my mind. Like I'm sick, my kid is going to turn 5 in seven days, I'm almost a year closer to being 30, and other things that go along with it. So I figured I'd make a list of things that keep me up at night and then a list that makes me happy enough to go to sleep and want the next day to get here already.

Things that Keep me Awake

1. I'm sick, still. I'm always sick and it's always the same thing. Bronchitis and Sinus Infection.
2. My son is going to be 5 years old. I no longer have a baby I have a Kindergartner!
3. I'm going to be 29 this year. I couldn't wait to turn 20 because it brought me closer to drinking but what's after 30?
4. The fact that I'm so over my parents telling me what to do with my own son. Hey you didn't raise me too well so you don't have to the right to say shit to mine.
5. The fact my family never talking to me or my Dad. Mom's side talk to her all the time but Dad's side seem like they careless what we can do.
6. Dealing with a Deadbeat Dad. It's on thing if I get lied to but when you start making promises and breaking them to my son; we're gonna have issues.
7. The fact that I don't care about the family I grew up with. My brother keeps to himself. Dad lives in his own world. Mom..well Mom would be a nun if it wasn't for kids and a husband.
8. That it doesn't matter how hard I try to make things better for me and my son, it's never enough. Go do this but then when I'm doing you say you should have done that.
9. My short attention span. I get bored easy and then I'm looking for something new and don't care about anything else till later.
10. I hate having so many fears over so many things. IE relationships and my weight. I'm not ugly inside or out but sometimes the lil voices of my past wont shut up and let me live.

Things that Make me Happy

1. Jeremiah. I love my son no matter what he does or says. He will make me think about tearing his butt with a belt but I would feel so guilty about it I could never do it.
2. Shannon. My heterosexual lifemate. She is like a part of my soul that I could never get rid of. She helps keep my head leveled and always brings a smile on my face.
3. Dean. Where do I start? He sees me for the beautiful person I am both inside and out. He helps me with Jeremiah. And mostly I can never stop smiling when I think of him.
4. Logan. He says the cutest things something that you cant help yourself but to look at him and go: Where did that innocence go in us? He just makes you giggle.
5. The Vampire Diaries. It has something to do with Demon and Vampires.
6. True Blood. Again Vampires but they're southern Vampires.
7. Deadliest Catch. I'm going to admit it....WAY TOO MUCH EYE CANDY!!! That and I'm always wondering if it's worth it in the end.
8. My reading. I do read a lot of things but as of lately I've been reading a lot of Vampire books other that Twilight. Newest book I'm reading has to do with Fallen Angels.
9. Swinging on the hammock. It's a nice cool breeze blowing. You have a cold drink in one hand and the other is shuffling through an MP3 player.
10. Looking at the day that I will be in a cap and gown getting my college degree. Knowing that all the hard work I put in was well worth it.