Food for Thought

So most of you know I suffer with depression. I've been dealing with it since I was 12 years old. I can honestly say not everyday is the same. Here's a few examples.

When I was 12 I was screaming up and down the halls that I wanted someone to kill me. Mom got worried for me and sent me to see a psychiatrist. I spend the next 6 years on medication. I was off meds till I turned 23.

When I turned 23 I found out I was pregnant. I asked my doctor to give me something because I didn't want to suffer post pardon depression. I should have waited till after Jeremiah was born bc I still think it may have been a reason he was born with a cleft lip.

I've been on medication ever since. As I said, it's not everyday but some days are better than others. I deal with this uncontrollable anxiety. One day you feel great. You can get up, go out, and do whatever it was you needed to get done. But my low days...I stay in bed all day. I won't eat or drink. I make myself sick. For days sometimes. I just sleep; to worried about the outside world to get up.

Now on my high days, I clean, cook, go out with my family. I feel like I can take on the world.

My low days, You're lucky I acknowledge you. I feel so bad because of Jeremiah. As a mother it's my job to get up and make sure my child is feed, clean, and happy. Except I don't want to do a thing. I do have him lay in bed with me for a little bit so I can show him I still love him.

Life is a balance with depression. You have to learn how to make your bad days into a somewhat good day. I know it sounds easier than done but it can happen. As my mother-like figure says to me: "Just think of one thing you can do a day and that's good enough. Say to yourself that today I'm going to shower or just go outside take a breathe and that's good enough for now". What you have to do is push yourself to do somethings is think of one thing a day to do, even if it's something small, just try. 

I see a psychologist and an psychiatrist every few weeks and and they help. If you can't afford one, find a friend. But when you find that friend make you're willing to listen to their problems too. Otherwise the relationship is one sided and that sucks.

 Basically, everyday passes by with or without you. You just have to want to get past the low days and try to think positive. Just because life has you down one day doesn't mean the next day will be the same way. Like right now, I'm having a blah day. Which is pretty much a middle ground of both days. So I'll probably clean a small part of my room and spend the rest of the day trolling Facebook or watching Netflix. I might even write another blog about how I'm dealing with fibermyalgia and psroiatic arthritis.

I feel writing down my problems is a bit of over share but at the same time I hope it can help someone else with similar problems. Even if it doesn't, I know that I've done something today. I let out a frustration of holding everything back.

Oh, one more things that helps me with my depression, music. I put in my favorite album or start Pandora and it helps. There's always that one song that reminds you of the happier days. Just like there's a song that may be sad but it brings up your spirits.

Try some of these tips on yourself and let me know if it helps. I know they help me sometimes.