Chapter Five

Carolyn woke in a daze. She blinked a few times and looked around. She wasn't her room. Eric wasn't in the room either. Then memories of the night before.

She smiled. Making love to Eric was an experience she hasn't expected.

She looked around and saw her overnight bag sitting next to the bed. Clutching the sheets closer to her, she went to retrieve it. Inside were a pair of jeans, a T-shirt and a fresh pair of undergarments.

"Good morning." Eric said as he walked in the room. "I left early to get you a change of clothes. I didn't think you wanted to leave here wearing last night's dress."

Carolyn smiled. "Thank you. That was very thoughtful of you."

Eric chuckled, "I'm afraid I might have risen some questions from your sister. She looked confused and  anxious."

"Oh Lord. She's going to pin me down and make me talk."

"Do you talk a lot to your sister?" Eric asked as he sat down on the corner of the bed.

"Yes. And the fact I had sex with you on our first date is something she and I are going to talk about."

"There was nothing wrong with last night." Eric said firmly. "You are my life mate. I wanted to claim you but I had to make sure you were ok with it. I wouldn't have forced you to do anything you didn't want to do."

"Still I would like to talk to my sister about some things. And if it's ok with you. I'd like to do research on Pagan. I don't know anything about it. I've always been told witchcraft was the devil's work."

Eric scoffed. "If you're going to do your research it's called Wicca. If you would like to met some other witches I can ask someone from my coven to comr down. Wicca, Paganism, witchcraft. It's all the same. We worship everything around us. Just like I will worship you."

Carolyn couldn't help but smile. It seemed infectious whenever she was around him. She wanted to do anything just to keep him talking.

But reality called. "If you don't mind showing me to the bathroom. I really should shower and get ready to leave. Bethany is probably going crazy waiting for me."

"Of course. Bathroom is through that door and clean towels are on the stand. Take all the time you need."

Carolyn uttered a thank you as she grabbed her bag. She was about to ask Eric to leave when he was already heading out the door, closing it behind him.

Once alone in the bathroom, Carolyn relieved herself and tried to take a quick shower. She didn't want to use up his hot water. Although, the shower was relaxing.

She was able to have a more level head. Sleeping with a man on a first date was not her MO. Bethany would have been worried. Her sister knew of her past relationships and didn't care for Jake. Thinking he had no heart. After all, their mother was dying.

Once out f the shower, she grabbed a towel and quickly went to work on drying off. The minutes seemed slow despite her trying to rush.

A knock at the door startled her.

"Coffee is on the counter. Thought you might like a cup before you leave."

Eric seemed genuine. "That's great but I should get going." She opened the door seeing his tall frame blocking the door.

"Have a cup with me. I think we can talk a little more."

"Alright." Carolyn put everything back in her bag then followed Eric to the kitchen. "You say you're in a coven, what is that exactly?"

Eric handed her her cup, offering her sugar and cream. "A coven is just a bunch of witches that gather together. We pray, cast spells, and practice healing."

"So it really is like a religion?"

"Yes. We just go outside and pray under the moon instead of going to a building."

"Seems simpler." Carolyn sipping her coffee.

"It is."

"Thank you for the coffee but I really should go."

Eric's smile dissipated. "If you insist. I'll walk you out." He followed her out the door but before she could get in the car Eric kissed her.

Carolyn smiled which only had Eric deepen the kiss.

"Have a safe drive home."

Carolyn drove home not looking forward to facing her baby sister.

"What the hell, Carol?!"

"Sorry Beth. I didn't go there intending to spend the night."

"I was worried about you after Eric left here. You always told never on the first date."

"I know but something is different with him. Look, I know you have a ton of questions but so do I. And right now I just want to go to my room."

"Carolyn, you've been different since you met this guy. I don't want him to turn out like another Jason or Jake."

"Something tells me this guy is different." Carolyn walked to her room. She dropped her bag on the bed and fired up her laptop.

Eric said to research things and she planned on it.

Carolyn's phone rang some hours later. So far everything Eric has told her has facts to back it up.

"Hello?" She asked without really looking at who it was.

"Carolyn, it Jane. How are you?"

She loved her friends but how was she suppose to explain to them that she is a life mate to a witch?

"I'm doing great. How's your life going?"

"Boring. I thought maybe the two of us could catch a movie and then get a couple of drinks."

"Tempting. Truly."

"Why do I think a but is coming next?"

"No. I think it'd be a good idea. I need to talk to you about this new guy anyways."

"New guy? Oh yes, you have to go out now."

Carolyn laughed at Jane's enthusiasm. "OK. I'll be at your house in ten minutes." She hung up and reached out for her purse. She felt bad ditching Bethany but she needed to talk openly about Eric and she couldn't do that with Beth.

Three hours later Carolyn and Jane were at the local bar with drinks in hand.

"So you see why I'm worried about continuing anything with him?"

"Carolyn Stemp, I swear you have the weirdest luck. Remember that one guy a few months ago that kept trying to buy you a drink? He had weird all over him."

"Yeah but I kinda like Eric. I wouldn't mind going out with him again."

"We have a winner people." Jane exaggerated.

Carolyn laughed. "I swear I can't go anywhere with you."

"Well do you at least have a picture of this guy?"

"No. I'll get one for you next time." Carolyn scanned the bar to see a few familiar faces but there was one that stood out.

It was the same guy Jane was just talking about. He was taller than her but shorter than Eric. Black long hair pulled back in a ponytail and dark tanned skin. He looked cute enough but failed in comparison to Eric now that he was in her life.

"Carolyn!"

"I'm sorry. What?"

"Good heavens girl, you look like you've seen a ghost."

"Sorry. Been spacey all day."

"So I've noticed." Jane commented. "Hey, let's get out of here. I have to be at work early tomorrow."

Work. It's been a week since Eric entered her life and how it's changed as well. Giving one last look at tall, dark, and weird the two friends left.

While in her living room watching TV with Bethany Carolyn kept thinking of Eric. She hadn't spoken to him today but she guessed he was giving her space.

"Night, Bethy."

However, Carolyn didn't get a good night's rest. Her mind was on the guy at the bar and fire.

Carolyn woke with a fright but just diced the dream down to a simple nightmare. Not knowing he was outside giving her the dreams.

No. The guy outside wasn't making a move. Not yet. He needed to wait for the right time.

Chapter Four

Eric was livid as he drove back to his house. His life mate was raped and abused by former lovers when she should have been worshipped like the goddess she is. She was not some simple play thing to be tossed aside like an old toy.

Once home, Eric contemplated on calling Mistress Emily and launching into a full uproar about how he wanted to claim Carolyn sooner than later but remembered how great that would be if he scared her off.

He paced his living room thinking on how he was going to raise the subject he was a witch and belonged to a coven and that he knows she's his life mate because of her aura. Although he didn't think those would frighten her off as much admitting they've been life mates for many reincarnations.

Yes. That would be what would be a harder pill to swallow.

Sighing, he admitted defeat. He had no choice but to break it to her as slowly and as easily as possible. He didn't want to frighten her off on the life mate through many lives part but maybe just how he know she's his life mate.

"Ugh! She's going to think I'm crazy and never want to speak to me again."

Eric just went to his room and looked around for something he would call 'date attire'. Suddenly he wasn't so sure taking her out to a place to eat was the best idea.

He walked back to his living room and searched for his phone, scrolled past a few names till he found the one he needed.

Hitting send he called Carolyn.

"Hello?" She said after the third ring.

"Carolyn, Eric. Listen I had a change in plans. Why don't you come to my place and we'll have dinner? I'll order some take out and we can have a more homey feel."

There was a long pause and some whispering. Finally Carolyn returned with, "I can do that. Do you still want to meet at nine?"

"Yes. Let me give you my address when you're ready." He spouted off his address when he was given the 'go ahead'.

"Great. I'll see you tonight at nine." Eric  clarified.

"Nine p.m. I will be there."

They hung up. Now Eric needed to do was wait till tonight to explain a few things and then hopefully Carolyn won't leave thinking he needed to be hospitalized.

It was nearly nine o'clock. Eric had food ordered from a local restaurant and had it laid out.

He wore a simple blue polo shirt and black slacks. He was waiting  anxiously for the doorbell to ring.

After a few more minutes the time has finally come.

Eric walked to the door. There he saw his goddess. Carolyn was a vision. Her hair was flowing down around her face and back. She wore a plum colored summer dress.

"Hi." She said shyly.

Realizing he was staring, Eric snapped out of it. "Hi. Please come in."

"Thanks." Carolyn looked around. "Nice place."

"Thank you. Please have a seat."

Eric sat with Carolyn on the couch.

"I have dinner set up if you're hungry."

"Not yet. I want to talk first."

"Yes we do." Eric dreaded. "Why don't you start?"

"OK. I can't help but to think we've met before."

And that, Eric know was his opening. "Do you believe in reincarnation?"

"Well, yeah. I believe that we've lived more than one life."

"I want to admit some things about me. First I'm Pagen or a witch as most people call it."

"Like bibbity bobbity boo or double double toil and trouble?"

Eric chuckled. "More like North, South,East, West. I know want to share the best. Earth, Fire, Air, Water. Please let me join her."

"Poetry. Nice so it is more of the double double toil and trouble style."

"I guess you can say that. I have an alter where I say my spells and prayers."

"That's good. I believe in the power of prayer."

Eric smiled. So far the conversation was going good. "What's you religious orientation?"

"I don't attend a church. I believe God is everywhere so I should be able to pray to Him anywhere."

"That's how pagens believe. God is everywhere. We also believe there is a life and soul in all things. The ground, trees, the very air we breathe. It all has a meaning for life."

"It sounds wonderful. To be so free. Are you a vegan as well?"

Eric laughed. "Gods no. Some are but not me. I believe animals are here for the purpose in feeding us."

Carolyn smiled. Eric's heart sang. He loved her smile. He loved the way the dress made her eyes pop. He loved the way she wore her hair. He was falling for her.

Most important he loved the aura around her.

"Do you believe someone can see auras?"

"Sure why not? I mean I haven't been able to but I think it'd be really neat. Why? Can you read auras? Carolyn questioned.

"You don't read auras. You see them. And right now yours is so bright I might be blinded. You have a golden aura with flakes of blue, pink, and purple."

"That sounds great. What does it mean?"

"It means you would a great healer. In fact, the fact that you have gold and purple in your aura tells me a great deal about you."

"And what would that be?" Carolyn asked turning more towards him.

"It means you are my life mate. The one person in this world that I would treat that the Goddess herself."

Carolyn didn't say anything at first. "I think I'm hungry now."

Eric lead her to the dining area. "The food might be a bit cold now but if it is I can heat it up."

"No that's fine. I'm sure it'll be OK."

"You're awfully calm for everything I've said to you." Eric said as they sat down.

"I think it's because I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. I mean, auras and life mate? They mean nothing to me since I don't know anything about it."

"I can explain better if you'd like?"

"Yes, please do." Carolyn started eating while Eric had a sip on wine.

"To be perfectly honest you and I are meant to be. You're me soul mate. A life mate that has been that way throughout maybe reincarnations. The reason I know you are my life mate is because your aura.. It's identical to mine."

"What would have happened if you didn't find your life mate?"

"That the jab. I always do but never know when. In the past we would have met as kids or as older adults. Either way, we would have met and then been perfectly in love for the rest of our lives."

"What if I choose not to be your life mate?"

The question dug deep in Eric. He never thought of that. He never thought she would say no. Of course, she could but why would she when he can offer her the world and promise her a life of pleasure.

"I dont know. I have always guessed you'd at least agree to go on more dates till you realized I was the one for you."

"That's a lot to pressure to put on someone."

"I guess it would be. I'm sorry if I'm making you uncomfortable."

"The only thing I'm uncomfortable about is how to accept all this. I mean I can accept you are a witch and I can accept you read auras but I'm having a hard time believing I'm your life mate."

"I can prove it."

"How?" Now Carolyn was at the attention.

"Come with me." Eric took her hand and lead her to his room. "Relax I'm not taking you to bed I just want to show you something."

They reached his alter and he dug in a small jewelry box before pulling out a necklace. The pendent looked antique with gold holding on to a rather large ruby.

"This was yours. In almost every life we've been together."

"I've seen this before. In a dream."

"You would remember it.. I gave it to you as a wedding present some three hundred years ago. You've worn it everyday till the day you died."

Eric handed the jem to Carolyn. She examed it and at first Eric thought she was going to put it on but she handed it back to him.

"I was wearing a Victorian gown with gold trimming and blue flowers. That's the vision I just had."

"Yes. You looked stunning. You hair was black then but you still had the same green eyes."

"Eric." Carolyn started. "How did I have that vision? I've never had a vision before."

"Have you ever dreamed of something that you couldn't explain? Or had a gut instant that something was going wrong?"

"Yes. Mother always thought I had a sixth sense on things."

"That's because you were or are Pagen. It's on your blood."

"Eric this is a little bit much for me to take it."

"Carolyn, I know. Think about it and let me know." He went in to kiss her but he didn't expect her to follow suit.

The kiss deepened and Eric couldn't handle it any more. For the last week he's dramnt of taking his life mate and claiming her as his. He wanted to show her that not all guys were mean and ruthless. He wanted nothing more then to lay her down and make love to her.

He stopped the kiss, as if seeking permission. When she reached out and pulled his shirt out of his pants he know she wanted it too. He reach over to unzipped her dress.

Tonight, he promised himself, she would know what being a life mate felt like.

Chapter Three

Carolyn was nervous.

It was nearly ten a.m. and she was looking forward to seeing Eric. She spent the week avoiding him. After their meeting she was werery on being next to him again. She closed her eyes and she was captivated by his blue eyes. There was something about them that she couldn't get them, or him, out of her mind.

"Carol?"

"Huh?" Carolyn spun around to acknowledge her sister.

"I need you to help me with the table. The wind keeps making the banner fly."

"Sure." Carolyn helped out the team, not thinking of Mr. Blue eyes.

"I hope I'm not interrupting."

Carolyn looked up and there he was. Mr. Blue eyes himself flashing his pearly whites. She got up dusting off her hands.

"Hey. Glad you could make it. Let me introduce you to my sister before we go about the tour. Bethany?" Bethany turned to her sister.

The two almost looked alike. Both had red hair and green eyes but Bethany was shorter by a few inches.

Carolyn picked up her hair in a messy ponytail and turned her attention to Eric.

"Eric, this is my baby sister, Bethany. Bethany this is Eric." The two shook hands.

"Nice to meet you." Bethany said first.

"Same to you."

"So, let me show you around." Carolyn announced pointing towards the next booth with her open hand.

Eric smile, but followed. "To be honest, I don't really want to know much more about the town. I'm more interested in you and your family."

"Me? I don't know what is so special about me."

"You'd be surprised what people find interesting."

They walked over to a bench and sat under the pavilion.

"What about me do you want to know?"

Eric leaned back, placing one arm behind her while he tried to face her face to face. "Everything."

That one word made Carolyn's heart skip a beat. What she about to unleash? She had many places to start but what did be really want to know?

"I'm an open book. Ask me anything." Famous last words, she thought.

"Alright. What do you do for fun?"

Carolyn gave a chuckle. "I don't think many people find it fun but I love to read and write. I read almost anything people suggest to me and I write lots of stuff.  From short stories to poems."

"Actually a creative mind is signs of a healthy mind. I would call it fun if you enjoy doing it."

"I do. I have to find something else to read besides documents and spreadsheets."

Eric smile at her again. She found herself smiling back. How was it this strange man made her feel like a giddy school girl? She just couldn't put a finger on it but she felt like she could tell him anything her asked for. She doubted she'd do anything for him but then again she just met him.

"Next question. Do you feel you've been sexually pleased with you past lovers?"

"Bit personal, don't you think?"

"You said anything. Besides, I'm curious." He gave her a wicked smile.

"I was raped at fifteen by my first boyfriend. He tried to pull the whole 'if you love me you'll prove it' BS. I wasn't ready but he took it anyways. Took me three years to trust guys again. But that didn't turn out well either. He got terribly angry how I would cancel dates because I had to take care of Bethany or be there for my mom. He turned out to be a very selfish person. He was also way to rough in bed. He wanted...well kinky stuff that I wasn't into it."

Carolyn had small flash backs of the horrible moments. She has had such bad luck with men, she hasn't been on a date in almost a year.

Eric looked like his jaw clinched. Why was he so upset? However, most people gave her the same look when she explains things. She found it embarrassing but a bit relieving at the same time. She was open with Bethany about safe sex and only having sex with someone that starts off as a good friend first. To not rush into it and take her time being a kid.

"Are you looking for a gentlemen now?"

The question caught her off guard. "No but I'm a firm believer that things happen for a reason."

"How about love at first site?"

"I guess that's possible." Is that what happened to Carolyn? Did she find herself in love with a guy she only just met? Surly there was another reason she had feelings for him.

"...dinner tonight?"

Carolyn snapped out of her thoughts realizing she didn't hear anything Eric said. "I'm sorry.  What was that?"

"I asked you out to dinner tonight. I think some more questions could be better asked over wine."

Carolyn smiled at him. "Yeah. Dinner sounds nice. Where and when, we can meet."

Eric looked offended but didn't sound like it. He shook his head briefly, "No. I'll pick you up at nine and the where is a surprise. Just give me your address." He handed her his cell phone.

Carolyn took the phone and looked at it. Did she really want to do this? She felt like she owed him a chance. Sighing, she opened the notepad app and entered her address.

"Great." Eric said. "I'll see you at nine." Was all he said as he walked away.

Carolyn, still in shock, walked back to the high school's booth.

"Carolyn, what's wrong with you?" Bethany inquired.

"I'm going out on a date with Eric this evening."

"That's wonderful. You need to get out and have fun. I can take care of myself tonight."

Carolyn couldn't hear anything else her sister said. All she was thinking about was what to wear and what she has gotten herself into.

Chapter Two

Eric Golden entered his home feeling a bit defeated. The week at work worked out well but he wasn't expecting to not see Carolyn Stemp but only that one time.

There was something about her that he couldn't keep his mind on work instead of her. He reminded himself why he moved to such a small town but he never expected to meet as life mate.

"Damn." Eric cursed as he removed his jacket and tie while heading to the kitchen.

As he worked on a quick microwave meal, his phone rang.

Seeing who was calling, Eric smiled. "Merry meet, Mistress Emily."

"Merry meet, Eric. How has your week gone?"

Emily Benton has been an old friend and his coven master. She lived in Ocala, Florida. Close to other witches. It was her idea Eric move to escape from the city. There was just too much against him there.

"My work week has been well. However, I met my life mate."

There was a pause before Mistress Emily replied. "Does she know?"

"No. I haven't had a chance to explain anything to her. If I didn't know any better, I'd say she's been ignoring me."

Now that Eric thought, he's seen Carolyn in passing as she came upstairs to drop something off with the mayor but she bearly looked his way. He wanted to ambush her and ask her out to lunch but thought against it. Not wanting to sound desperate or seem pushy.

"Eric?"

"Sorry, Mistress. I'm going to approach her on Monday but I don't know how to explain to her she's my life mate or how do I know."

"Fear not, my child. Things will work out. She will understand."

"She didn't seem like the type to believe in witchcraft."

No response.

Eric sighed, " I will have faith and explain everything to the best I can without scaring her off."

"Good." Eric could have sworn his mistress was smiling. " I will speak to you again. Merry meet. Merry part. Merry meet again."

"Merry meet. Merry part. Merry meet again." Eric repeated before hanging up.

The microwave beeped but now he wasn't has hungry as he once was. Figuring the he should eat instead of going hungry, he grabbed the tray, removed the foil and ate.

Later that night, Eric sat on his living room couch looking over some documents when his phone rang again.

He didn't recognize the number but answered anyway. "Eric Golden."

"Hi Eric. It's Carolyn Stemp."

Eric was shocked. He hasn't expected her to call at all. Especially at nine p.m. "Miss Stemp. How nice to here from you."

"Carolyn, please. Look. I know it's late but my sister has been badgering me to invite you."

Eric wasn't liking that she only called because her kid sister badgered her.

"Well I shouldn't say badgered more like insisted. Anyways, Bethany is having a school fair tomorrow and I was wondering if you'd like to meet up? The fair will have some displays of Arcadia's history and some plans on what the town would look like after a few more stores added."

He did hear about a fair but wasn't sure what it was all about till now. "I'd love to meet up with you. I think it could be fun."

"Great." Eric could hear her excitement. "I'll meet you by the DeSoto High School booth at 10? I'm going to be helping Bethany with her volleyball team."

"Okay. See you then."

"Bye." She hung up before Eric had a chance to repeat the good bye.

Tossing his phone on the small coffee table, he smiled. She asked him out. He wasn't use to that but it made him like her more for being so bold.

Yes, tomorrow would be fun.

Chapter One

Carolyn Stemp was an average person. Or so she kept thinking. She had long, wavy, red hair. A not-to-narrow nose and freckles covering her nose and cheeks with gorgeous emerald eyes.. Her body was full. She overheard people in school call her fat but she didn't think one hundred thirty-five pounds was fat. At least people at her job didn't care, as long as she did her work.

Carolyn worked hard in the mayor's office of Arcadia, Florida. It's a respectable job and got her what she needed every paycheck. As a junior assistant, she got to run around town dropping files off and be present at the meetings to take notes. It wasn't her dream job but it was a job and she didn't complain. She didn't need to complain because there wasn't much else in such a small town.

Arcadia, Florida was roughly the size of a nice town, yet it was called a city. It was the only stop between US 27 and Myakka City running down SR 70. I blip on the radar driving north from Punta Gorda on SR 17. There were plenty of fast food restaurants and grocery stores. The only main store in town was the Wal-Mart. It has two elementary schools in city limits, one middle school and one high school.

Yep, small town feel with all the city-like perks.

The only thing keeping Carolyn in DeSoto County was her kid sister, Bethany. This was her last year in school and neither sister couldn't be happier. Bethany was accepted into University of South Florida. Carolyn was to follow her to Tampa once her contract was up. But that wasn't for another year and school was just about finished. So the sisters were just at a stand still.

Carolyn continued working on her newest assignment until the mayor entered with a man following behind.

"And this is Carolyn Stemp. She's a junior assistant but she does really good work." Mayor Teddy Hampton introduced as I stood.


"Nice to meet you, Mister? I stretched out my hand.

"Eric. Eric Gooden." He reached out for my hand and shook it.

For some reason Carolyn didn't want to lose the contact but she snapped out of it and straightened her sweater.

"Miss Stemp, since you did so well with Mr Alore I figured you show Mr. Gooden around and give him a little bit of history of the town."

"Not a problem. Mr. Gooden if you'll please follow me?"

She lead the way out of the office and figured she'd start with the main floor.

"We have our normal offices of the water department and and place where people in town come to pay their light bill with Florida Power and Lights. Also someone from social security comes twice a month to help people with whatever needs they have. From filing for services to legally change their names."

"How old is this building?" Gooden ask.

"To be honest I'm not sure. I know Arcadia was founded in 1886. We have a time capsule that's to be opened in 2086."

"Nice. What can you tell me about this building?"

"It's very old." Carolyn said with a chuckle. "This is one of the first buildings build when the town was created. It was in the center of town at some point." She sighed. "Perhaps the next floor."

They went up the stairwell and can to the second floor flat.

"Up here we have the meeting hall and the mayor's office." Meetings are held weekly depending on what's on the docit. Otherwise, there are meeting bi-weekly."

"Interesting view."

Carolyn looked at Mr Gooden and noticed he was looking out a window looking down at McSwann Park.

"The Chamber of Commerce is down in that building and the park was just redone to have a safer playground and a splash pad for the children to cool down."

"Can I ask you questions?"

With surprise, Carolyn replied, "I thought you already were?"

Eric Gooden smiled. Flashing a row of white teeth. "No. I meant can I ask you questions about yourself?"

"Sure."

"How long have you lived in this city?"

"All my life. That would be twenty-four years."

"Do you have any brothers or sisters?" He inquired.

"One sister, younger. I don't remember my father and her's abandoned us many years ago. We lost our mother two years ago due to a brain tumer." She added.

"I'm sorry. Must have been rough having to be mother and sister at twenty-two."

"You leave to adjust." Carolyn looked around to see what else she could tell about the old building but nothing was coming off the top of her head. "So, Mr Gooden, any more questions?"

"Eric, please. And I'd like to know more about you. I know you must have a lot on your plate but perhaps one day you can show me the whole town?"

"As in a tour guide? I don't see why not."

"Good," Eric handed her a card. "Here's my number. Call me when you feel you have the time. Or come find me up here on the second floor." He smiled that bright smile again.

Carolyn smiled back. "I'll do that."

They walked back to her office. The whole time Carolyn wondered how much she missed smiling for no reason. She hasn't smiled much since her mother had passed. In fact, now that she thought of it, smiling has become foreign to her since that day. She's always been so worried to make sure Bethany got her school work done and was fed every day. She even had a hard time smiling when the USF came in.

Now, out of the blue, she was smiling at this tall, dark haired, dark skinned man with piercing blue eyes. She just met the man and something was telling her that it would be fun to see him again.

Quick....

I was eating lunch today and thought wouldn't it be cool to write a story and just share it bit by bit. So that's what I'm gonna do.

I'm going to write a bit of an autobiography and mostly fiction.

The bio part is mainly that it is part of my life where I've dealt with an issue and am now allowing the main character experience them too.

I believe that my life may not be an amazing life but I do have things in my life that have meaning. And I want to share myself a little bit.

I'm going to express things and somethings may be true and others may not be. That's the point of writing. You never know what you're getting.

However, because there is going to parts of me in the story, I'm not going to write about my sex life. I may write somethings about my past and how I've dealt with it but I won't get into details.

This isn't Fifty Shades here.

Now as far as the title; well I don't have one. Yet. I might write a few chapters and then think of a title. You know, let the story speak to me.

I will warn you now, my spelling sucks (thank god I have spell check but still) and some things may be hard to understand bc I see it so clearly in my head I forget to get into details for others.

Finally, Just remember, it's a STORY. Not real and I'm just doing this for fun. If you don't like it, don't keep reading. Simple.

Oh, one more thing. I'm going to try to use a few Aidin-isms. I know twidiot will be in some where as her catch phrase or something in that nature.

So, here we go!

Autism

Why am I writing about Autism? Because my son has it. My fiance has it. My nephew has it. I know quite a few people on my Facebook page that has a member in their family that has it. I'm going to have you understand with this disorder is about as well as my experience with it in my life.

First off what is Autism? According to Autism Speaks it is a  spectrum disorder and autism are both general terms for a group of complex disorders of brain development. These disorders are characterized, in varying degrees, by difficulties in social interaction, verbal and nonverbal communication and repetitive behaviors.Autism appears to have its roots in very early brain development. However, the most obvious signs of autism and symptoms of autism tend to emerge between 2 and 3 years of age. Autism Speaks continues to fund research on effective methods for earlier diagnosis, as early intervention with proven behavioral therapies can improve outcomes. Increasing autism awareness is a key aspect of this work and one in which our families and volunteers play an invaluable role.

That pretty much sums it up. Here's a little more detail: What causes Autism? 
What Does It Mean to Be “On the Spectrum”?

Not long ago, the answer to this question would have been “we have no idea.” Research is now delivering the answers. First and foremost, we now know that there is no one cause of autism just as there is no one type of autism. Over the last five years, scientists have identified a number of rare gene changes, or mutations, associated with autism. A small number of these are sufficient to cause autism by themselves. Most cases of autism, however, appear to be caused by a combination of autism risk genes and environmental factors influencing early brain development.

In the presence of a genetic predisposition to autism, a number of nongenetic, or “environmental,” stresses appear to further increase a child’s risk. The clearest evidence of these autism risk factors involves events before and during birth. They include advanced parental age at time of conception (both mom and dad), maternal illness during pregnancy and certain difficulties during birth, particularly those involving periods of oxygen deprivation to the baby’s brain. It is important to keep in mind that these factors, by themselves, do not cause autism. Rather, in combination with genetic risk factors, they appear to modestly increase risk.

A growing body of research suggests that a woman can reduce her risk of having a child with autism by taking prenatal vitamins containing folic acid and/or eating a diet rich in folic acid (at least 600 mcg a day) during the months before and after conception.  

Increasingly, researchers are looking at the role of the immune system in autism. Autism Speaks is working to increase awareness and investigation of these and other issues, where further research has the potential to improve the lives of those who struggle with autism.

Each individual with autism is unique. Many of those on the autism spectrum have exceptional abilities in visual skills, music and academic skills. About 40 percent have average to above average intellectual abilities. Indeed, many persons on the spectrum take deserved pride in their distinctive abilities and “atypical” ways of viewing the world. Others with autism have significant disability and are unable to live independently. About one third of people with ASD are nonverbal but can learn to communicate using other means. Autism Speaks’ mission is to improve the lives of all of all those on the autism spectrum. For some, this means the development and delivery of more effective treatments that can address significant challenges in communication and physical health. For others, it means increasing acceptance, respect and support.

Now that you have a little more information, let me talk about my experiences with this disorder. As I said I know three people in my own personal life that suffer with it. I'll start with the most severe. Lil Man (I wish to keep under wraps out of respect to his family.) 

Lil Man is 6 years of age but his mind is of a 3 year old. Now up to the age of 4 he only spoke maybe 5 words. His parents thought he would never talk, even after 2 months of insistence therapy. Finally he started speaking as if he's always been speaking. all the time. He still has trouble with some things and still doesn't speak too well but now you're able to understand some of what he wants. Now Lil man still has his moments of tantrums. He would get to over stimulated and he will freak out. When I'm with him he only says a few short sentences and still points to what he wants but at least I know what he's talking about. Now, to also give an idea of the ununderstanding of things, he doesn't understand his actions have dangerous consequences. I won't get into detail but I know he's done somethings that makes yu understand he meant no harm.

Now to my son. Jeremiah:

My son has a mild case that use to be called Asperger. He is now 11 years old. Now they see that as part of the Autism family. When he was growing up I knew something was different about him. He was slow beginning things, even though he's very smart. At some point I knew something was so wrong that I had him checked out and at the age of three he was diagnosed. I couldn't get him on medications because of the people I lived with. They thought I was making it up and I just wanted to change my son. Now about fast-forward four years, he started hitting himself and getting really depressed so I had to make him see a doctor again. This time I made him take his medication. I was scared for my son. He was Baker Acted about a few months ago because he wasn't just hitting himself, he was punching his face. I later found out it was caused by him not taking his medication properly. When he came home I was on him every day. Did you take your meds? Every morning and every night. Now he's doing better but it's still a day by day process. I didn't find out, Legos and video games are great things for him. He gets to build and he uses his mind more. However, in school, he needs special one on one time to understand what he's doing and to keep his grades up.

Now finally, my fiance: Mike

Now Mike is self-diagnosed but after he's gone into a few of my therapy sessions he's been diagnosed with Autism. I say self-diagnosed because he's never seen a doctor to tell him yes or no but you'd be surprised on how he's changed. Now as far as I've been told when he was growing up he would beat himself up and go into rage fits. He became solaced and didn't like being around people. However once he finished school he really got into the music scene. He was the lead singer of his band and even cut his own tracks. But he was still having rage fits which made him difficult. Or I'd assume because I know how he is when he has those rage fits and I don't like them. Now at some point he went online he tried to figure out what was wrong and came to diet that has actually helped over the years. It's a gultin-free casein-free diet. Basically you eat nothing that is made with wheat or milk. We've had to get creative on his foods. Thank goodness we found Earth Orgins in Port Charlotte. Now he can have pancakes, cakes, pizza, butter and cheese all over again without breaking his diet. Now, Mike has a bit of OCD but there's nothing that can be done about it. In fact, it drives me crazy because I hate reparation. Also when he feels he's done something foolish he will still hit himself. That act has only scared me once. Now, like Jeremiah, Mike is good with video games. He lost his passion for music once he started his diet. He plays until he feels he can't pass anymore and stops. Doesn't stop him from collecting for games and knowing how the game plays out.

Now those three males are whom I've known the pasts few years with Autism. Come to think about it, I don't think I've ever met a female with Autism. I'm sure one day I will. I hope this has been useful to you and maybe, you'll have more questions. I'm always open to help someone with how I feel or think about this subject. 

Thanks.

Food for Thought

So most of you know I suffer with depression. I've been dealing with it since I was 12 years old. I can honestly say not everyday is the same. Here's a few examples.

When I was 12 I was screaming up and down the halls that I wanted someone to kill me. Mom got worried for me and sent me to see a psychiatrist. I spend the next 6 years on medication. I was off meds till I turned 23.

When I turned 23 I found out I was pregnant. I asked my doctor to give me something because I didn't want to suffer post pardon depression. I should have waited till after Jeremiah was born bc I still think it may have been a reason he was born with a cleft lip.

I've been on medication ever since. As I said, it's not everyday but some days are better than others. I deal with this uncontrollable anxiety. One day you feel great. You can get up, go out, and do whatever it was you needed to get done. But my low days...I stay in bed all day. I won't eat or drink. I make myself sick. For days sometimes. I just sleep; to worried about the outside world to get up.

Now on my high days, I clean, cook, go out with my family. I feel like I can take on the world.

My low days, You're lucky I acknowledge you. I feel so bad because of Jeremiah. As a mother it's my job to get up and make sure my child is feed, clean, and happy. Except I don't want to do a thing. I do have him lay in bed with me for a little bit so I can show him I still love him.

Life is a balance with depression. You have to learn how to make your bad days into a somewhat good day. I know it sounds easier than done but it can happen. As my mother-like figure says to me: "Just think of one thing you can do a day and that's good enough. Say to yourself that today I'm going to shower or just go outside take a breathe and that's good enough for now". What you have to do is push yourself to do somethings is think of one thing a day to do, even if it's something small, just try. 

I see a psychologist and an psychiatrist every few weeks and and they help. If you can't afford one, find a friend. But when you find that friend make you're willing to listen to their problems too. Otherwise the relationship is one sided and that sucks.

 Basically, everyday passes by with or without you. You just have to want to get past the low days and try to think positive. Just because life has you down one day doesn't mean the next day will be the same way. Like right now, I'm having a blah day. Which is pretty much a middle ground of both days. So I'll probably clean a small part of my room and spend the rest of the day trolling Facebook or watching Netflix. I might even write another blog about how I'm dealing with fibermyalgia and psroiatic arthritis.

I feel writing down my problems is a bit of over share but at the same time I hope it can help someone else with similar problems. Even if it doesn't, I know that I've done something today. I let out a frustration of holding everything back.

Oh, one more things that helps me with my depression, music. I put in my favorite album or start Pandora and it helps. There's always that one song that reminds you of the happier days. Just like there's a song that may be sad but it brings up your spirits.

Try some of these tips on yourself and let me know if it helps. I know they help me sometimes.