She said what?

I was walking around the house and I noticed it was too pretty outside to be stuck indoors. I step outside and I felt a wet breeze. I texted Shannon and accidentally reported that I'm hugh off the feeling. With my ablity to booberly say things reminded me that my chicken muffin was not with me. I felt like a complete twidiot. I return inside where I chuggled after Jeremiah said saomething. I forget the outdoors and thought I could JPosh it and played around n the computer.


I thought I never really use my Aidinisms so I made up a paragragh using pretty much all of them.

Makes me chuckle

This song makes me laugh everytime I hear it. I love Katy Perry!

Peacock:

Katy Perry

I wanna see your peacock, cock, cock
Your peacock, cock
Your peacock, cock, cock
Your peacock
I wanna see your peacock, cock, cock
Your peacock, cock
Your peacock, cock, cock
Your peacock

Verse 1
Word on the street, you got somethin' to show me, ee
Magical, colorful, Mr. Mystery, ee
I'm intrigued, for a peek, Heard it's fascinating

Words are mislead
Such a tease
Wanna see the show
In 3D, a movie
Heard it's beautiful
Be the judge
And my girls gonna take a bow

Pre-Chorus
I want the jaw droppin, eye popin, head turnin, body shockin
(Uh, uh, oh, Uh, uh, uh, oh)
I want my heart throbbin, ground shakin, show stoppin, amazin
(Uh, uh, oh, Uh, uh, uh, oh)

Chorus
Are you brave enough to let me see your peacock?
Don't be a chicken boy, stop acting like a beeotch
I'ma peace out if you don't give me the pay off
Come on baby let me see
What you're hiding underneath
Are you brave enough to let me see your peacock?
What you're waiting for, it's time for you to show it off
Don't be a shy kinda guy I'll bet it's beautiful
Come on baby let me see
Whatchu hidin' underneath

I wanna see your peacock, cock, cock
Your peacock, cock
Your peacock, cock, cock
Your peacock
I wanna see your peacock, cock, cock
Your peacock, cock
Your peacock, cock, cock
Your peacock


Verse 2
Skip the talk, heard it all, time to walk the walk
Brake me off, if you bad, show me how's the boss
Need some goose, if you lose, come on take a shot

Pre-Chorus
I want the jaw droppin, eye popin, head turnin, body shockin
(Uh, uh, oh, Uh, uh, uh, oh)
I want my heart throbbin, ground shakin, show stoppin, amazin
(Uh, uh, oh, Uh, uh, uh, oh)

Chorus
Are you brave enough to let me see your peacock?
Don't be a chicken boy, stop acting like a beeotch
I'ma peace out if you don't give me the pay off
Come on baby let me see
What you're hiding underneath
Are you brave enough to let me see your peacock?
What you're waiting for, it's time for you to show it off
Don't be a shy kinda guy I'll bet it's beautiful
Come on baby let me see
Whatchu hidin' underneath

I wanna see your peacock, cock, cock
Your peacock, cock
Your peacock, cock, cock
Your peacock
I wanna see your peacock, cock, cock
Your peacock, cock
Your peacock, cock, cock
Your peacock

Oh my good no exaggeration
Noy all this time was worth the waiting
I just shared a tear
I'm so unprepared
You've got the finest architecture
And on the rainbow looking treasure
Such a sight to see
And it's all for me

Im a bookwarm, I know it continued

So about 2 or 3 posts ago I wrote about the books that are coming up in the next few months that I will be getting myself lost in. I seem to have forgot these.

Torment by Lauren Kate. This is the second book to Fallen. This one actually isnt a vampire novel...it's more fallen angels. Really good but hard to tkeep up if you dont pay attention.

Release date: Sept 28th 2010

Hey Shannon the next in the Evernight series is coming out in March 2011. It's called After life by Claudia Gray.

Release Date: March 2011

This is Crescendo by Becca Fitzpatrick. This the second book of hush, hush...another fallen angel novel.

Release Date: Oct 19th 2010

This is too many books coming out in the next few months. I"m gonna be lost for a while.

darkness

I really hate feeling like I'm not good enough. Kinda hard since I've been feeling like that since I was a kid. My parents always expected too much out of me and then when I do something it's always "about time". I always get the run around when it come to things I care about. I'm never good enough. I blame my family for my depression and weight gain but really Im just weak. I try to act tough but deep inside everything bothers me. I love how I'm use to people disappointing me. I love how Im use to be let down. It may sound wrong but Im use to being in a room with my family and not caring about them. Maybe it's from all the years of abuse I suffered with or maybe it's from losing any love I have for them. My parents could try hugging me and I feel repulsed. I dont want them near me. I hear "I love you" and I cringe because I dont feel it back.

I feel like Im a stranger in my own body. I dont know who I am or what I'm doing. I dont care about anyone....this includes my son sometimes. I dont even want to have him near me or touch me or say hi to me. I want to be utterly alone. I guess I can contradict myself on that but I love my son, he's whats keeps me going but then again I cant stand him in the same room as me.

I know Im not the poster child of happiness. I really shouldnt be bitching about anything. I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back and food in my stomach but yet it's not enough. I have no bills to pay and nothing really holding me back but it's never enough without someone at my side. Jeremiah can only bring so much to the table. I need my friends and I need my boyfriend. I just cant help it when I feel like Im never good enough to be happy. Like I'm not suppose to be.

On the flip side, I cant be alone either because I start to think. Thinking is really bad for me. My depression gets load when I'm alone. I've been suffering with it since I was 12. Here I am 29 and still dealing with shit I was dealing with then. Only difference now I'm on a lot more medications and much strong shit. I still have thoughts every now and then. I still think life isnt worth it. I have even thought that if I was gone Jeremiah could collect SSI on me and he would be set. But then I remember that he would never have me when he gets older and I will never see him grow up and be the man I want him to be. Jeremiah really is my reason to live. I do everything for him.

I want to point out that this my blog and I will rant and ramble any way I choose. I've had a lot of hard thoughts hitting me these last few hours and it all started with a family I can't stand. I was happy working on my blog with Shannon...well our blog...but then I got in a fight and I didnt want to deal with anyone anymore. I wanted to talk to my man but he's always seems too busy with his life then to spend five minutes on the phone with me just to see how Im doing. I need to rant and this is the best way for me. I have to get everything out otherwise I will fall in a dark depression that nothing will get me out of. And I'd rather not be hospitalized again for it. That shit sucked. So you'll have to just ignore this post and move along or read comment and tell me you know how I feel when you really dont. I just needed to rant!

I'm Still Alive

So I was all happy go lucky earlier and then I got knocked down fast by my parents. Mostly people know about the poison my parents inflict on me. Every time I get sad or depressed I listen to music. These are just three songs I listen to all the time. The Saving Abel I'm still Alive I seem to cry every time I hear it. it really hits me.

Saving Abel
I'm Still Alive lyrics


It's morning, and I feel it,
All the sins I was in last night.
Dear Jesus, please save me,
'Cause I think I've fallen down into the depths this time.
Am I dreamin' or still sleepin'?
I wonder if I'm ever gonna make it out.

Now you're gone, and I'm here,
And I feel so bitter.
Waking up alive, another day.
It never seems easy
When you'll find, another day.
Where I looked at what I'm facing,
Don't know if I can take it.
I could scream out loud,
But I'm wasting my time.
This pain only reminds me, I'm still alive.

Now these feelings, they're creeping,
Like a chill crawling up my spine.
It's lonely, it's not easy,
Coming home all alone each and every night.

And as time goes by, I feel so bitter.
Waking up alive, another day.
It never seems easy
When you'll find, another day.
Where I looked at what I'm facing,
Don't know if I can take it.
I could scream out loud,
But I'm wasting my time.
This pain only reminds me, I'm still alive.

Don't wake me up, if there's gonna be hell to pay.
All the weight of the world keeps pushing me down.
(Pushing me down)
So, just let me sleep,
Even if I'm in too deep.
Keep me locked in my dreams,
So I can't get out. (I can't get out)

It's been so hard, but I'm doing much better.
Waking up alive, another day.
It never seems easy
When you'll find, another day.
Where I looked at what I'm facing,
Don't know if I can take it.
I could scream out loud,
But I'm wasting my time.
This pain only reminds me, I'm still alive.
This pain only reminds me (I'm still alive)
This pain only reminds me (I'm still alive)
I could scream out loud,
But I'm wasting my time.
This pain only reminds me, I'm still alive.

Katy Perry
Firework

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag,
drifting through the wind
wanting to start again?
Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
like a house of cards,
one blow from caving in?

Do you ever feel already buried deep?
6 feet under screams but no one seems to hear a thing
Do you know that there's still a chance for you
'Cause there's a spark in you

You just gotta ignite, the light, and let it shine
Just own the night like the 4th of July

'Cause baby you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh"
You're gonna leave 'em falling down-own-own

You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe your reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow
And when it's time, you'll know

You just gotta ignite, the light, and let it shine
Just own the night like the 4th of July

'Cause baby you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, Oh, Oh"
You're gonna leave 'em falling down-own-own

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It's always been inside of you, you, you
And now it's time to let it through-ough-ough

'Cause baby you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, Oh, Oh"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, Oh, Oh"
You're gonna leave 'em falling down-own-own

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon


This song is more of how I feel for either my son or my man.

Saving Abel
I Need You lyrics

Love me not Love me do
Whatever you want it's your right to choose
Breaking the silence in haste of the day
Screamin out loud just to hear me say

I need you
Like the sun needs the rain
Can't think of any better way to say
I need you say you need me too
Who needs you Baby I need you

Can't chase this dream if I don't know what you mean
Cause we're worlds apart we can't change who we are
So lets break all the silence in the haste of the day
Scream out loud let me hear you say

I need you
Like the sun needs the rain
Can't think of any better way to say
I need you say you need me too
Who needs you Baby I need you

Oh woah woah Oh woah oh oh

I've been giving (a little bit more)
You've been taking (a little bit more)
A little bit more than what I offered to you

You keep taking (a little bit more)
I keep giving (a little bit more)
A little bit more is all I can view

Who needs you I need you

I need you
Like the sun needs the rain
Can't think of any better way to say
I need you say you need me too
Who needs who Baby I need...

I need you
Like the sun needs the rain
Can't think of any better way to say
I need you say you need me too
Who needs who Baby I need you

I need you

Im a bookwarm, I know it.

So starting September I will be lost to the world of books. I indulge myself in getting lost in the crazy worlds I read. Oddly enough the next five books I want to read are all about Vampires. I want to reiterate that I have loved vampire novels since I was in my teens and I did not fall into it because of Twilight and Vampire Diaries, which, by the way, I haven't read.

I've read the Twilight books because I got sucked (no pun intended) into the whole love triangle and how someone could fall in love with two different people and still know who she is. The Vampire Diary books I have not read because I am watching the TV series and do not wish to spoil anything. Same goes for the True Blood books. Yes I know they are not called that but it's the series itself I will not read while the series is still running on TV.

Which brings me to my first book: Last Sacrifice by Rachelle Mead. I came across this series by accident. I was looking at books in Walmart and saw them. I, having no money at the time, went to the local library and borrowed them. I was happy when Rose and Demetri finally got together but I love Adrian much more. Shannon says I have this thing for the seceond boyfriend. Where I find them more appealing.

Release Date: Dec 7th 2010

Ok Dark Peril by Christine Feehan. This is a Carpathian novel and is between Dominic and Solange. I'm not the best fan of this series but I have read pretty much ever book.....and there's a lot of them. Shannon is more into this then I am.
Release Date: Aug 31st 2010

Now we have Eat Prey Love by Kerrelyn Sparks. This book is mostly about Carlos Panterra. I'm afraid to admit I don't know too much about this book but the series is great for another vampire/were-something book.
Release Date: Sept 28th 2010

Now this is what I'm into. Born to Bite by Lynsay Sands. IT is between Eshe d’Aureus and Armand Argeneau. In the last book we were left with a cliffhanger to why all three of Armand's wives have died. This one should tell us the answer.
Release Date: Aug 31st 2010

Finally; Hungry for you entails the story of yet another Willan sister falling in love with another member of the Argeneau/Rouge Hunter series. So finally we have sister Alex falling head over heels for Cale Argeneau. Not much has been said about Cale. I believe this is even the first his name is said but is the older brother of Decker Argeneau-Pimm.
Release Date: Nov 30th 2010

There you have it...the next five books I will burying my head in for the next four months.

Another dumb Aidin statement...

This is only a part of a conversation I was having with Shannon on yahooIM. We were talking about going to see the Northwestern crew when they make port in Florida again this Dec between seasons.

Din: so if we go in Dec r we gonna find babysitters
Shannon: Prob. At least try
Din: I would love to roll in with my NW shirt and CM sweater
Shannon: Lol
Din: *pop collar* big pippin
Shannon: Pippin? Like lord of the rings?
Din: no Pimping only cooler...lol ok it was a typo

Sad thing is: this happens to me A LOT!

Another poem of pain

Don’t Cry

I hate to see you cry when you think you’re alone
I hate to be the one to wash away the tears
I know sometimes it hurts too much
But sometimes it’s not that bad
I know things may seem rough and hard
But this time I think you will make it
I don’t like to see you when you’re sad
I know in my heart that you don’t want to show it
I know inside of me you are a good person
I wish I could be with you and help you when you need it
I hate to see you cry when you have no reason too
I hate it even more when I can’t help you
Things are not what they always seem
You always see how things are going wrong
But not everything goes that way
You are only you and that’s all that matters
You are my friend and my sister
I know I’m miles away and I can’t give you a hug
But I know that with just one phone call I can make you smile
You are just one person
Don’t be so hard on yourself
I hate to see you cry when it’s not your fault
Please remember that people love you
Please remember that I’m always here for you
You are my best friend and my confidant
I don’t want to know you’re sad
So please don’t cry.

Yet another poem

The Joys of Two Hearts

On this day I wish I could hold you
I wish that everything doing nothing will do
For things are tough right now
But thinking of you relieves the frown

I hope that with my heart you hold
That things will never unfold
You bring a smile to my face
And always treat me like a special case

You are my everything, my joy
I don’t even have to play coy
Just when the love is fading
I realize why we’re dating

You help my needs
You help me with any deeds
Next to my child I see it clear
That you have no fear

I have two special men in my heart
It’s almost like Cupid’s dart
I cannot see my life without either
And I know I couldn’t in theirs neither

The joy and laughter you bring me
Is what will always be
You drive me nuts
But that’s because you’re a klutz

All I ask for you
Is for you to love me too
I’m happiest when you’re happy
Because on this day you sound sappy.

Channeling Busy Bee

So I've been watching a lot of TV lately, bored out of mind, and the commercial for painter's tape keeps coming on. I liked the squares the lady did so I thought I'm gonna do it with some of the left over paint we had. During the entire time I was thinking "I wonder how Lauren would do this?" I'm not joking.

So this is now my computer corner pre paint. Plain blue and tan walls.

Pretty Blue wall!

Another boring beige.

This wall I wanted to do something different since it's almost all ways covered with the door.

That's right! I added yellow paint to the blue walls and lavender to my beige wall.

See that lil bit of yellow? Yeah that were Jeremiah tried to help paint. Not a good idea.

Blue and yellow!!

I liked the checker board pattern.

Finished product!I love my son's school picture.

I noticed the yellow was crocked, dont care. And yes I put my mirror that low. I've had that thing for a year and it's been in my closet bc I didn't know where to put it. I had to use the bathroom mirror. Not flattering.

There is my son's first Christmas and me back in high school. I think it came out pretty good.

I did this with his cap bc I'm a proud mommy.

However...

I added his sash and it just looked better.

So there! That is what I have been doing today after I washed a load of clothes. Now I'm going to finish cleaning my room, eat dinner, make the bed and get my lil ready for bed. Wow I really did a lot today.