I can't beleive Im saying this

Well if you haven't figured it by now I will tell you again. I suffer from depression. I've been dealing with it since I was 12 years old and have been Baker Acted when I was 16. If you don't know what that is it's when you get locked up in a mental hospital for 72 hours for trying to kill yourself. I know; stupid. At that time in my life I was really down and I just didn't think I could deal with anything anymore. Yes that is why I missed weeks of school in High School.


Since then life has gotten better for me. However I'm still on medication and I'm on so many different things that I feel like a walking pharmacy. I take something for my depression, some for sleep, something for a thyroid problem, something for anxiety and some other things plus vitamins. Luckily, nothing I'm taking is for high blood pressure or anything like that because of my weight.

Now saying that I have to admit I've gained about 80 pounds since high school...Not because I don't care about myself but because I've dealt with so much crap since high school that I never noticed until it was too late. I don't even notice the weight until I go try on clothes then I'm depressed....anyone see the cycle here? My weight is not the cause of my depression it's actually more personal then that and I don't want to admit what is my main button that sets it off.

I want to say to those that called me names in school: Thank you. You have made me a stronger person and I'm happy with whom I am today. I worked hard to get my life in some kind of order. I thank everyone that was every mean and rude to me because I know now I can deal with it and it no longer bothers me. You can call me names and I just shrug and go "whatever". Nothing like that bothers me any more. Also I want to thank those whom were nice to mean because your words and kindness also helped me be whom I am today.

I feel like if I admit things on a post then I'm less likely to deal with stupid people and more likely to deal with the things that I need to worry about. Like my son. he's fixing to be 5 and I'm already not looking forward to when he gets in middle school....I look at him and go "This is what I get for being such a b*tch in middle and high school". I know already that it's gonna bite me in the a**. The one thing I know about saying whatever I want on my posts is that it's all my opinion and I don't care what you say. I will say whatever is on my mine and you chose to read it. You chose to come on here and listen to me grip about my problems and what's going on in my life or in my mind.

Most things I wouldn't care about unless I knew that once I hit the "publish post" button I'm free. And that's how it is. I sat here and admitted I have a problem with depression because I know so many people deal with it. I know that a lot of people ignore it. I also know a lot of people don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Want to know what is the light at the end of my tunnel? It's my son, Shannon, Dean, and my brother. Didn't say my parents because I have my reasons. I thank God I have them in my life and I thank God I know my problem can be dealt with and I can still live on.