I'm that girl...a poem

I'm that girl...

I’m that girl that sits in her room all day
I’m that girl that waits by the phone for a call that never comes
I’m that girl that hates to be alone
I’m that girl that is use to being hurt
I’m that girl that never sleeps soundly
I’m that girl that wants to be the best friend to everyone
I’m that girl that wishes she could be somewhere else
I’m that girl that loves friends as if they were her family
I’m that girl that never wants to lose hope
I’m that girl that deals with too much
I’m that girl that will take on your burdens
I’m that girl that will always be at your side
I’m that girl that knows what darkness feels like
I’m that girl that gives in to love
I’m that girl that will let you cry on her shoulder
I’m that girl that will hold your hand if you need it
I’m that girl that will break down and cry when needed
I’m that girl that hates being hated
I’m that girl that doesn’t give a damn
I’m that girl that is willing to take a stand
I’m that girl that knows she’s that girl.

How much can one person handle?

I've been dealing with a lot of grief and most of it is things most people wouldnt think of anything too bad. I think everything that has been bothering me is mostly because my emotions have been on a roller coaster and it goes up slowly but drops down too fast.

Shannon has been a big help. She's been helping me forget everything that has been bothering me. She's been helping me forget for a few hours that I live in a house of hell and the person I love doesnt seem to love me back the same as before. I love her and she's got her own problems but like a good friend shes been helping me.

Dean and I are on a break but he says he loves me and he still wants to be with me but what really hurt me is that on our 1 year anniversary he completely ignored me. I wanted to know if he's seeing someone else or if he just doesnt want me so I can move on. I dont like being played around with cat and mouse games.

Jeremiah has unfortunately been on the receiving end of my anger. I've been trying to hard not to show him my pain or see me cry but sometimes he knows mommy isnt happy. He's spoiled so bad because of my parents and I think he will never show me the respect I really need. He trys to help but nothing seems to make me happy anymore. I dont want him to know what it's like to live in a house where no one cares about anyone and I fear thats the life he's living now.

Aside from Shannon I have a lil sister that has been helping me; Beth. She's helped me more on a spiritual level. She's even offered for me to live with her so Jeremiah and I can have a new life. Start over. I need something like that. I need to get away everything that is bothering and I know I wont be living in a poisoned home and Jeremiah will be away from the things that bring me down and make me not want anything to do with him.

Too much has been going on in my head that has made me fall back on things that I once thought were gone. I know now that it wasnt gone just dormant. Aside from Shannon nothing is keeping me here in Florida. I use to say that I couldnt be away from Dean but no seeing him in 3 weeks has gotten me to the point where I might as well say I'm a single women and start moving on. I want this to stop and I need move out of this circle.

My point is that I need a change and I need something to make me happy. I know Arcadia is nothing but a large dead spot for me. It's been doing nothing for me but bringing me pain.

More random crap

I was in the mood to show off some random pictures.

My son pretending to be a rabbit.

Yes that is PINK chicken. My mom was cooking and used too much grape juice turning the chicken pink.

Jeremiah's first day of Kindergarden. Isn't he cute?