I'm sorry I havent been around but things have gone a little crazy for me. Mostly, taking care of Jeremiah. That takes up a lot of my time. Also I've been sick again. Sinus infection again. I swear I should just invest in sinus cold medicine, I'd be rich. But I have been dealing with a lot of things. I found out my grades were as good as I would have liked so I have to miss a semester of classes. Jeremiah's father is back to being his usual "Im pissed of at you so to get back at you Im not helping with our son" mode. Thats a topic I can sit here all day complaining about. Plus now i need to look for work but between my car acting up, having no money for gas and no one hiring it's not that easy.
I try never to ask for anything that I dont need. Once in a while I try to make things easy for my parents but they seem never to be satisfied. I wondered for years why I was like that. So I'm gonna ramble. Im lucky I have Dean, Shannon and Jeremiah in my life but my parents have really ruined things for me. All my life I hear how everything I've done is not good enough and how Im never going to be anything. So when I dont do anything or even try to make things better for me they get pissed off. They dont see that they are making the same mistakes with my son that they made with me and they get pissed when I want to discipline my child and correct things I know lead to why I am the way I am. No instead I get it thrown back in my face about how I use to be and Jeremiah is my punishment for how I was when I was his age. I hate when I try to do something Im the bad one. My son is so use to getting his way that now they are wondering why he doesnt listen to anyone and why he's a big butthead. Sorry but it's true. My son really does add to the stress levels I have and why Im under so much medication.
Now to Jeremiah's father. As most of you know I hate this man. He has 7 children, including Jeremiah and only helps with 1 because his girlfriend forces him to. He never does anything because he wants to but because he has too. He doesnt pay child support so we go to court and he get arrested but some how it's my fault. Jeremiah use to go with him every other weekend but now he's stopped because I said he owes me money. he thinks not paying me hurts me. He doesnt realize it hurts our son and it will come back to him later when Jeremiah is old enough. I hate that my parents have to help me when it's his job to take care of him. I hate that I have to do it alone. I really hate that when I want to go out for a little bit I cant but he's free to do what every he wants because he's a man. What really drives me crazy is that he thinks he can come and go whenever he feels like it and Jeremiah should automatically give him respect and that he's not allowed to call any other man father. Im sorry if he would step up then someone else wouldnt be near me helping me control Jeremiah.
Now to lighter news. Dean and I have been together for 10 months and i swear it feels like we just got together. I love him more then I think I have anyone else and I thank the Goddess for bringing him into my life. Shannon and I have been friends for almost 11 years next month and I swear to all that's holy we can't get rid of each other. Even though she and I have come to the conclusion that just because we're best friends doesnt mean our sons will be. Jeremiah and Logan hate each other but we force them to be together. Jeremiah makes me crazy and i have my moments where i want to beat the hell out of him but I go to the corner take a few breaths, calm down and then try talking to him. He does things that sometime I wonder what my life would be like without him but i quickly chase those thoughts away. I cant live my life without my son, he's everything and beyond to me.
Now that I've ranted and let some things off my chest I can go now. I dont know what I need but I know that without my friends and Jeremiah I would go crazier then I already am.
I love you all!
